Threefold Cord

  In a Catholic Marriage ceremony, the bride and groom exchange solemn promises with one another that form a covenant bond between them. The bride and groom exchange promises to be faithful to one another, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor one another. The couple also promises to enter a permanent relationship, which lasts “all the days of our life.” Modern psychological research has demonstrated that the pillars of a lasting marriage are commitment and trust. A Catholic Marriage ceremony dramatically highlighted these values. When we think about commitment in Marriage, we need to realize that commitment grows slowly over time. Commitment is an act of the will, a firm decision to value our partner above others. We must do this in both difficult traumatic times, and in mundane busy times. Our commitment carries us forward. Trust is also something that builds slowly, as we experience our partner being trustworthy. We build trust with our husband o...

Examined in a less positive light, the absence of the dispositions for strengthening trustworthiness discussed in the previous post , are what we might call the dynamics of betrayal. Psychologists Gottman and Silver have called this the “cheaters cascade.” [ii] Gottman points out that research has shown the vast majority of affairs come about not from simple lack of disciple, or a failure of moral character, resulting from lust, but from a failure to meet our partner’s emotional needs. [iii]   It is primarily a failure of emotional attunement and trust. The Cheaters Cascade The first step in the cascade might be the couple’s failure to confide in each other, which leads to keeping secrets. Then if the couple goes through a difficult time and one partner fails to see that their spouse is reaching out for support, this may result in disappointment and loneliness. Perhaps there are some disagreements, but they are unresolved, leaving each one hurt and feeling ignored and their ...

In a Catholic Marriage ritual, the groom and bride make strong promises to each other saying: I   promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life. Based on years of clinical studies, modern psychologists have identified some key virtues or dispositions, which strengthen these promises by supporting  mutual trust . In strong marriages, this culture of  trustworthiness  reinforces and defends the Marriage bond. Not surprisingly, these truths are the same advice our faith offers. Trustworthiness This sense of  trustworthiness  in one’s partner has five elements: (1) honesty, (2) transparency, (3) accountability, (4) ethics, and (5) alliance.   [i] Couples need to be mutually committed to  complete honesty  with each other. While we can never see inside another person’s heart, we must be convinced that our spouse is not trying to deceive us, li...

  As permanent deacon, I have been married 36 years, and I am not afraid to say that I have experienced conflict from time to time in my own Marriage. Marital conflict can be of two types, resolvable conflicts and permanent or unresolvable conflicts . Many people assume that unresolvable conflicts in marriage are rare. Research shows that 69 % of the time conflicts are actually unresolvable. They are often rooted in differences in personality that are not likely to change over time. The presence of this type of conflict is actually normal and does not have to mean that there are serious problems in a marriage. Immediately after the Fall of Adam and Eve in Genesis, we see blaming, finger pointing, and conflict enter their relationship. Researcher tell us the most people are able to cope with this type of conflict and to maintain a positive relationship. Some couples seem to ‘get stuck’ in a negative cycle, and find this ongoing conflict is hurting their relationship. We call t...

  Let’s face it, we have trouble understanding and explaining the Most Holy Trinity. The following short video, irreverently pokes fun at this problem. Perhaps the Holy Trinity is a mystery that is too hard to explain? While simple analogies do fail, it is possible to understand some basic truths about the Trinity. In fact, there are five surprising truths we need to learn. Firstly, far from being some obscure and impractically belief, the Catechism reminds us that, “The mystery of the Most Holy Trinity is the central mystery of the Christian faith and of Christian life ” (CCC   261). It is the most fundamental and essential teaching of our faith (CCC 234).   Everything God does is the common work of the three divine persons. Every aspect of our faith is touched by this mystery. Secondly, when God created man and women in the “image and likeness of God” (Genesis 1:27) this truth highlights a dual unity of the human couple who image the relations between the Father, ...

M any people will remember a childhood poem for Valentines. The following is the original 1784 translation from French, but you might remember it a bit differently; [i] The rose is red, the violet’s blue The honey’s sweet, and so are you. Thou art my love and I am thine; I drew thee to my Valentine This poem never made sense to me, since violets are not blue. In the original French it says cornflowers which makes more sense! What do we think when we hear this? Is it sappy or sentimental? Is it just for children? On February 14th we celebrate Valentine’s Day. Last year, some 224 million roses were grown for Valentine’s Day and it is estimated that Americans will spend 19 billion dollars this year on that day [ii] On the one hand, we seem to spend an enormous amount of money on our relationships, on the other hand, we don’t seem to be doing very well at relating as couples. Being grateful, thanking our spouse, celebrating our love for them, are all good things, but are we focusing too ...